Sunday, 17 October 2010

All by Myself

Today for the first time since Madame was born I went for a walk all by myself. I have left her with Philip before now, or he has taken her out but I had never used this time specifically to go for a walk. Philip has prompted me in the last three months to do it but to be honest first I had to get over my irrational but real fear that if I left her and she wanted to be fed or needed me just me that the world would come to an end. Once this hurdle was passed and I was able to leave her with Philip for more than 10-15 mins I had become so use to my walks including Madame that when Philip would offer I honestly was not sure how to go for a walk without the pushchair, it had become a norm, and maybe even a crutch.

Today even though I tried my hardest to get out the door before Madame fell asleep for her morning nap it didn't happen. I knew our favorite route would be swamped with weekend walkers by the time she woke up from nap and they are the worse for not allowing room for the pushchair on the side walk so our walk would have been stop-start-stop-start due to full sidewalks. I made a split decision to ask Philip to keep her while I went for my walk.

Within the first block I didn't even realize that I was minus the pushchair as I had fallen into a pace that was much faster than I can seem to hit with the pushchair. As I approached the cliffs leading down to the seafront I realized I could take the stairs down instead of having to detour a few streets over to take the ramp. I also had the pleasure of getting the stairs back up the cliffs at the high street for which I am sure my bum will be thanking me for a few days time. Over all it was a good experience and one that I think I will have to repeat more often as I try to juggle my desire to be a good Mum to Madame but also to not loose my identity as more than just a mother.

No comments: