New and Improved Weigh in Wednesday

So after some thought I have decided to start fresh with my Wednesday weigh ins. I am not discounting the 21lbs I have already lost, this is a big achievement, however it is a new year and I am starting a new non smoking phase of my life so it seems like a good time to wipe the board clean and start a new. Just a few notes for those of you who are reading I am no longer going to covert my stones into a total pound weight. There are 14lbs to a stone if you want to convert but I am trying to embrace my British Imperial lifestyle and to be honest it was just a lot of numbers that got jumbled in my head. I am starting with the weight that I weighed when I quit smoking almost three weeks ago and working forward from there.


Weight at date of quitting 12st 4lb
1st Weigh in 12st 5lb
2nd Weigh in 12st 4.5lb


Okay before anyone says it I know that was a whole lot of melodrama last week over one pound. All I can say is that at the moment I was hanging onto the cliff over the gaping hole of non smoking by only my finger nails I had nothing else to give. This is not an excuse it is just how it was. I think I have a full grip on the cliff now and am working up the strength to start pulling myself up. Everyday is a little easier, I am not dumb enough to think there might not be some weight gain in the immediate future the facts are that my metabolism is working against me at the moment, I am getting over it. So there is none of my planning my only goal is to keep moving forward, not going to say I want to loose X amount by the end of February because I don’t quite understand the new rules of the game yet. All my plans from yesterday are still going ahead and you can watch the journey good or bad or both as it happens.

Pitty Party is OVER

Yup that’s right, I reread my post from yesterday and the last few weeks and man I am a downer. So it is all over. Weigh in Wednesdays are back I will post the result later tonight. I fore warn you it is not pretty, weight is being gained, I am trying my hardest to keep on track and for the most part I have. I have even upped my exercise, I have however learned post quitting that your metabolism actually drops when you stop smoking. I am assured that in a few weeks it will pick back up so we shall see. I being forever optimistic thought I could buck the trend and loose weight at the same time, I was sadly mistaken. I am joining a gym this weekend as well even though I have doubled the amount of walking I am doing I don’t think it is enough so the plan is too keep the walking at the level I have worked up to as well as joining 3 one hour aerobics sessions a week. I may still gain weight but I am not going down with out a fight! The final stage of my plan is to get back to writing down everything I eat. I had gotten lazy at this because I knew most of the point values for things and could figure it in my head and it worked I was loosing weight. Now I need to figure out if I am putting things in my mouth that I am not accounting for or if I need to cut the amount of food I am eating. I will win, I have won before the rules may have changed but the game is still the same. Watch out world.

Nothing to say

Sorry guys I have nothing to say. Nothing you want to hear about anyways. I am pretty full of self pity and that is just boring. I lowered the patch dosage I was on Sunday at the suggestion of my pharmacist. I was doing so great blah blah blah I was strong enough to do it blah blah blah. The world ended for four hours on Sunday and then I was back to my self pitting self.

I don't really have the urge to smoke, I don't think about it that often. Just like I would never buy a bar of chocolate I would never consider buying a pack of smokes. Everyone at work is so amazed at how calm and relaxed I seem blah blah blah. They just don't realize that I censor and edit every word that comes out of my mouth. Some poor unlucky bastard who will have done nothing wrong is going to get the full wrath of my fury one day just because. I feel like the Incredible Hulk, don't piss me off or I will turn into something very nasty, ugly and green.

My sense of smell has come back, not sure this is a good thing most smells irritated me, blah blah blah.

Now I am going to go find my rock and crawl back under it, with any luck in a few weeks I will be back to my somewhat happier self.

Forgotten Birthdays

Who would have thought that such a ugly little fur ball would have grown into such and ugly kitty. Hemi celebrated his 1st birthday on the 15th of January while I want to busy crawling in a whole and dying. Luckily Mr Y in E was on hand to dish out the small tin of tuna.

Happy Birthday Mr. Y in E

Bet your wishing you had not scanned all the pictures onto the computer now! Happy Birthday sweetheart.

WOW

I have been stuck on this story all day since I read it on the train to work. I am not saying three year olds are not clever but it take a special kind of lack of parenting skills to allow this.

Adventures in Leigh on Sea

Favorite Pub in the world, the outside pictures don't do it justice and it was too packed inside to get pictures to show you how cute it is. The floors are all uneven and there are little seat shoved in the corner with great views out to the Estuary.

Tide was out when we were walking there and I love the river that runs through the sand. It was too dark to get good pictures of when tide came in but I love watching the water lap against the wall.

There is something so poetic about the boats being "stuck" at low tide, literally fish out of water.

Weigh in Wednesday

So after much thought I am taking a break from weigh in Wednesdays for a few weeks. As much as my rational brain knows that it is just a fact of life that I am going to gain a little weight while I am quiting I am struggling too much to share this part of my journey publicly. I have shed my tears and am hoping that by taking the pressure off to post my weights where everyone in the world can see I will be able to come to terms with how this will affect my weight loss journey.

Everything else is the same, I am still going to Weight Watches meetings and I am still walking and taking every chance I can get to bump up the amount of walking I am doing. I am hoping in a few weeks I will be back to posting my weights. Thank you all for your support.

Slowley it is getting easier

I grabbed my umbrella yesterday morning to try and protect myself from the down pour. It was useless. But as I opened the best umbrella I had ever owned I remembered where it had come from. It had been acquired from my previous work place, I did not steal it out right, I borrowed it one evening when I was without an umbrella and the weather called for one. Some how it never went back and then my employment there no longer was.

The umbrella is fabulous, the job was anything but. As I pressed the button and the umbrella opened I thought back to this time last year when I was at above mentioned non fabulous job. My life was hell there was no other way to put it. I hated my job and that hate consumed every moment of my waking hour. Every time the train ran late it was because of my job. I didn't have enough money to buy a pot to piss in, it was my jobs fault. The weather sucked well you get the idea. I was even angrier and more bitter than now if that can be imagined.

As my umbrella popped up I thought heck giving up smoking is a lot easier than going through that crap again.

Sometiems life is good sometimes life is not

So it was a good and bad and good and bad weekend. Went to the Pharmacist for my breathalyzer and spoke to them about my need for my morning ciggy. She says if this is the only ciggy I am needing that I am doing really good. She also thinks if I can cut it out this week that she can drop me down to the second level patch this coming Saturday. I don't know how I am feeling about this. I have not had a morning ciggy since Wednesday morning and the last ciggy I had was on Saturday night and I was quite disgusted at myself for having it, I just happened to find a box with one ciggy left while I was cleaning up some stuff and while I knew I should just break it and throw it away it got the better of me in the long run. Hopefully this will be the week of no ciggies and I will feel confident to lower my patch.

Another disappointment at the moment is my weight. Despite stepping up my walking routine and getting in double the miles I normal get I have managed to gain a pound since weigh in. I still have three days to loose it and weekends are definitely the time I tend to over eat so hopefully I can get back on the right track before my Wednesday weigh in.

I knew there was a good chance I would gain weight when I stoped smoking and it was a hurdle I would have to overcome, I had just truly hoped that buy stepping up my walking it could be avoided. I am trying not to dwell on it and not to get so disappointed that I let my good eating habits go by the wayside.

On the good side Mr. Y in E and I enjoyed a nice 6 mile stroll to the next coastal town on Saturday. I got some great pictures and will try to post them soon.

I also realized that once I got myself out of the house I really enjoyed the walking the hardest part was getting going. I walked 1.5 miles each way to join hubby for a drink at his favorite pub yesterday. Having the pedometer makes me want to push myself to walk farther. I have already made plans to change my morning routine so I can get an earlier train and get off the tube a stop early and add even more walking to my day. I am so ready for more daylight in the evening so I can get more walking in during the week.

Thanks for listening to my pity party, hopefully it will get merrier soon.

Weigh in Wednesdays

Had a happy morning today when I showed up for my weigh in and was down 3.5lbs. Only one more Christmas pound to loose. This puts me right on track to have the Christmas weight off by the end of January. I am hoping I can buck the odds and keep losing while I am in the process of giving up smoking.



On the smoking front during the day I do really good and don't even really notice I have given up. Evenings are harder and I struggle. I have picked up some fruit pastilles from my WW meeting and am hoping that I can tell myself that popping one of those in my mouth is just as enjoyable as having a ciggy. The one ciggy I can not seem to give up is the first of the morning and as much as I told myself I did not need one this morning and delayed it by about 15 min in the end I gave in. I would happily kill cute puppies to have this ciggy in the morning. Oh well down to one a day from around 15, need to look at the positive. Tomorrow hopefully be the day of no ciggies.

Check back on goals

So just over a week ago I posted some goals to accomplish this week so I thought I would have a look and let you know where I am.

Loose another 20lbs by summer. The scales say I have lost the 4.5lb I gained over Christmas. Even though I have been really strict with what I eat and have upped my exercises I am skeptical but will know for sure tomorrow at weigh in. On the plus I had to go an buy a size smaller in my work pants. I like that

Pay off CC. This is definitely an ongoing thing nothing much to report still making monthly payments and working towards it

Quit smoking. A work in progress, work is easy but at home in the evening it is worse. I broke out in tears last night over something that was really not a big deal. One fag yesterday and one today, hopefully tomorrow will be zero.

House Proud. Nothing to show yet though I have been looking at some stuff to decorate our mantle piece as it seems bare now that all the Christmas decorations are down going to do some looking this weekend.

See More of England. Mr. Y in E and I are making a day trip this weekend to Walthams Abbey so Check

Blog. I have a theme chosen but need a book to start writing the posts. I checked one bookstore this morning but they did not have it. Will try to find it this weekend.

Over all not bad moving forward and that's the way we like it.

Start...Stop...Start...Stop...EEEKKKK

So the stopping of the smoking kind of got off like a car in which you punched the gas and the break at the same time. Not as smooth as one would have liked. Due to some patch malfunctions I quit this morning instead of yesterday morning like planned. In hind site I realized I had one more patch than I needed to make it till next week when I go back in for my breathalyser for carbon monoxide levels but I was a little stressed when the patch malfunction happened Sunday morning and not really thinking clearly.

None the less the desired result happened and I slapped a non malfunctioning patch on my arm this morning and really except for unconsciously reaching in my coat pocket when I go out there has not been any desire to smoke. We will see how that goes as I get farther along. That is really all the news that is fit to print. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Went for a wander here this afternoon. I love when I am lucky enough to work near it on a Friday and can wander through on a lunch time. Got a little present for Mr Y in E while I was there. As I do not partake in the fattening goods it brings me pleasure to know someone I love will be enjoying them.



To occupy my mind from the stop smoking project due to start tomorrow I pulled out all of our paper bills from the accordion file put them all in month order and shoved them in a huge folder marked 2008 to be shoved under the bed with 2005-2007. I then proceeded to shred a 6 inch pile of papers we no longer needed with a hand cranked paper shredder (beggars can't be choosers it was free). With about 1/2 and inch left to go my husband who had been sitting across the room turned and said "should have left them for me to do tomorrow when I am off". Well it is a little late now and I am almost done. I have also managed to stave off a panic attack for the two hours I have been working on this project so maybe a sore right arm is worth is.



I have found using music to influence my moods to be very helpful. 10 min from getting into London I change my ipod to a play list of Dave Mathews Satellite and close my eyes and wonder through a Sunflower meadow to find my center. Then I move on to Alphaville's Forever Young to get my feet tapping for the walk to work. By the time the train has pulled in I have made it to Queen's Under Pressure which I found had the perfect beat to make me walk at a good heart rate for burning calories, I leave this on repeat for the walk to work. Some times I switch between the live version and the recorded version. Before you ask me which live version as there are many here is my answer. I have no idea, the one Mr. Y in E put on my i pod. Ask him. For the walk from work to the train station I listen to Queens Radio Ga Ga again a good beat to keep me walking at a good pace. For the ride home something soothing to get rid of any work tension usually David Gray's greatest hits. I listened to this album over and over and over again on the 10 hour flight home while the baby in the seat ahead of me screamed for 75% of the time. I credit it for me not jumping over the seat and snapping the babies neck.

I think I can

So I organized my Google Reader today. I put all of my folders and tags in alphabetical order. Then I went through all of my tags and decided if I could combine some of them and deleted those I did not need and items that no longer interested me. Why you ask did I do this? I did this because I have decided that enough is enough it is time to quit smoking and every time I think about it I start to have a panic attack or want to go outside and smoke a whole pack, which ever seem easiest at the moment. So when I am wigged out I organize, it brings me peace, yes I too think I might have OCD but that is a whole nother post for a whole nother time.

As I sit there organizing I go through the pro and con of quiting. Pro good health. Con Mr Y in E might kill himself or me or both of us before I am through with drawl. Pro I will save lots and lots of money some where between £150 and £200 a month, money is good. Con I just gained 4lb over Christmas maybe I should wait until after I lose it so I don't keep piling on the pounds.

Then somewhere between the letter P and the letter V (I have a tag entitled Valentine's Day ideas) I realized that all of the cons were just excuses not to quit. NO MORE EXCUSES! I WILL quit and I will do it this Saturday when I go to the Chemist and speak to them about joining the stop smoking program. So now I will leave you with what is chanting through my brain.

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can
I think I can
I think I can

Do symbols come before numbers when alphabetizing?

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can

Am I ever really going to make a profiterole tower?

I think I can
I think I can

Yeah right why did I think I would need the instructions to make my apron I don't even know how to use a sewing machine

I think I can
I think I can

This is all going to go pear shape

I think I can
I think I can

Weigh in Wensdays

So back to the chain gang and the healthy lifestyle. I spent three weeks off from paying attention to what I ate and to be quite honest I am disgusted with myself. I allowed myself to eat things I would never dream of eating when I am good and stick to a healthy eating plan. Not to worry I have been reborn and taken weight watchers into my heart and all of that crap. Hubby is excited to shed some pounds this year as well so with any luck he can help me along. The house has been purged of things I can not resist and my goal for the month of January is to loose the 4.5lb I gained over the holiday season. Yup 4.5 bringing me up to 175.5. So I am going to spend this weeks doing the Kick Start program weight watchers offers and if I don't feel I have made good progress then I will do it one more week. After that I am back to my normal healthy eating and pushing for getting down to 150lbs by July 15th. Here we go!

Hibernating

So I have been hiding for a while, I like to hibernate in the winter and a trip home for the holidays gave me the perfect excuse. I also noticed quite by accident last week that the next post I wrote would be my 100th post and I got all wigged out that it should be something special something earth shattering, then I got over it.

I also did not want to write the New Year’s resolutions post because I feel like life is a work in progress and while we should be continually reflecting on our path we should not feel forced to make crazy promises we won’t keep because the earth has made yet another rotation around the sun. So I have no New Year’s resolutions I do however have some goals. Some will be accomplished this year some may take many years and some will be forgotten when something shinier passes in front of me. (I am easily distracted)

Goals for 2009

Loose another 20lbs by summer. I was at 170 before I went on Christmas break and depending on the scale I step on and the time of day I have gained between 3-7lb while on break. I am already back to my healthy eating habits, only partially this weekend and whole heartedly since this morning. So by July 15th I would like to be 150lb. This is extremely close to the top end of my healthy weight range and by the time I reach here I should have a better idea of where in my healthy weight range I would like to finish up.

Choose a feature topic for my blog, assign it a day and write on that topic weekly. This will probably be a month or two in the making as I want to have 3-4 blog entries written before I go live with it, so watch this space.

Pay off the credit card. DH and I have been making great strides towards this and I know that 2009 can be the year we complete this we made huge strides in the last quarter of 2008 and have plans to keep on keepin on. It looks like there might be a chance of paying off a good size chunk of it but we will not know for sure if that will be possible until February or March time.

Quit smoking. This has been really kicking around in my mind since last fall, in many many ways I am ready to quit but every time I try to make the permanent decision I start to panic and I back off. I think it is because I know that this time it is for real, it is the last of my rebellions that I have decided I am too old to be clinging to it. I just need to bite the bullet and realize I will not die if I quit actually quite the opposite.

I want to be more house proud. Not just in the keeping it clean sense, Mr. Y in E does a pretty good job at reigning in my destruction, I am more excited about decorating and keeping it lovely. I want it to feel like it is more than the place that we sleep. That maybe there is actually a thought process to how it flows.

See more of England. Take advantage of the fact that I no longer work weekends and drag my mother in law or my husband out to the millions of cool things to see with in driving distance.

So there you have it in no particular order not sure when or how they will happen but those are the major goals for 2009.


Yes and that’s all folk one hundred post and counting. Happy New Years.