Special Ice Cream

December time last year mainly driven by the fact that I was SO over diapers I set about potty training Joss. We'd had a potty for her for a while and as any mother knows she usually followed me into the bathroom and we had been talking about how mommies and daddies do wee wee and poo poo in the potty. I had read a few books but nothing really fit us completely so took what I like from the books and in true Emma style decided to informatively wing it.

While we had great success as long as I sat her on the potty at regular intervals she never asked to use it and if I didn't regularly insist on her sitting on the potty an accident was a sure bet.

The combination of a stressful pregnancy, impending move, and knowing potty training with the arrival of a new baby is a bad idea I stepped back. While I knew that it was unlikely that she would be the five year old still not potty trained there is certainly lots of pressure from others and self pressure when it comes to potty training. Well meaning grandparents who recount the fact that their children were potty trained at 18 months (congratulations here's your trophy) to the play group mothers who proudly announce their little Einstein potty trained in two days and before their second birthday as your child shouts from across the room "mom I did a poo in my diaper"

In my head I figured if by August Joss was showing no interest we would broach the subject again but in the mean time I needed to survive the first crazy month or two of a newborn.

The middle of June Joss started talking about how Jasper did his wee and poo in his nappy but (insert every adult she knew) did their wee wee and poo poo in the potty. She would even occasionally ask to use the the toilet usually at the most awkward moments like in the grocery store as far away from the toilets as possible or at the play ground where the toilets are across a huge field. While I fulfilled all request to use the toilet they were few and far between and with a small baby I didn't push to move the process along.

The last week of June we spent a Saturday night at friends who have two girls one six and one a few months older than Joss. The younger one had just recently potty trained and Joss was amazed watching her go use the toilet on her own and commented on her big girl knickers.  We spent the night there and after a horrible night of about two hours of sleep Joss was up and marched to their bathroom and in true Jocelynne style announced she needed a wee and she was doing it ALL BY HERSELF. My somewhat snarky sleep deprived response was fine but leave the door open so if you fall in the toilet I can come get you out. The rest of the day she asked to use the potty at regular intervals. 

Monday morning after a bad night with Jasper and completely sleep deprived knowing daddy was off to work I made a really tough decision to capitalising on Joss' interest in Amelia's big girl knickers and pulled hers out from our earlier foray into potty training. I will be honest it was HARD not because I was pushing Joss to do something she wasn't ready for but more due to a not yet six week old baby to contend with as well but Joss was more than ready and willing. There were many times when Jasper had to fuss for a few minutes before getting settled for a nap or a feed as Joss' need to go potty eerily almost alway coincided with Jasper's need for attending to, Jasper had more than his share of nursing sessions with me sitting on the bathroom floor. The learning curve was quick with few random accidents after the first couple of days. Joss however remembered that treats were offed for wees and poos and insisted after her first success. She was easily weaned off of treats for wees but not so for poos. After about a week of success in both categories I pulled out the big guns and offered an even more tempting offer than chocolate buttons of "special ice cream" for a whole day with out accidents. On a whole it works well and Joss knows that after diner we will make the slow walk up to the corner shop to pick up her treat and if the stars all align it tends to be the right time to wind Jasper down for the night and the push chair ride is just the right length of time to get him to drowsy and transfer him into the cot.

There is still the odd accident when mummy gets pre occupied or when Joss gets too engrossed or is afraid she will miss out. There is also still the need for mummy to help if I am attending to Jasper when all other times she wants to DO IT HERSELF. 

As with EVERYTHING else in her short three years Jocelynne did it her way but this mama is breathing a sigh of relief that she won't be turning up to the preschool gates in September with her eldest still in diapers

Summer Bucket List - Picking Strawberries

Strawberries were late to ripen this year due to a long cold spring followed by weeks of rain. When I first added strawberry picking to our Summer Bucket List I thought is was something we could do the end of June but each time I would check the website for an update the opening date was pushed farther and farther back. As we moved into into July our days and especially our weekends became busy with birthday parties and inset days for preschool and the idea moved out of the my mind. A friend mentioned it on Monday and I quickly asked my mother in law if she would join us on Tuesday. We woke to violent thunderstorms early in the morning that continued until lunch time on and off. As I was afraid it was a two adult activity and mother in law was back to work today and then on holiday and our weekend planned I decided to write it off for the year.

When I woke this morning with no set plans and a dry sunny but cool day forecast I quickly decided that if I could get everything to fall into place I would give it a go. Jasper settled well for a long early morning nap allowing me to organise everything quickly to set off right after he woke and nursed.

I am slowly learning to have no set expectations on how activities "should" turn out and just roll with it and it seems to be much better at the moment than setting unrealistic expectations. I am also learning to find a balance between telling Joss what our plans for the day are so she can feel secure in our routine and being a bit vauge so not to have to deal with her disappointment. So once Jasper was awake and fed I only told her we were going bye bye so we could start the routine of getting out the door.

The drive was long enough to for Jasper to fall asleep in the car and then be tranfered into his push chair. This allowed me to focus on Joss and pointing out which strawberries were ready for her to pick.

Her attention span was short, I had hoped to get more than two punnets but as mentioned above I am trying to realign my expectations and learn not to push an issue to melt down point. In the end it worked out well as it meant we had been out a short enough period I didn't have to try and entertain her while nursing Jasper in public which can sometimes become a hurculean feat.

Now if I can just manage to keep her from eating them all before Daddy and Grandma Kay get home from work! 

This time around-weight loss

This time around the weight loss has not been so easy.  I know it has only been 9 weeks since Jasper was born but with Jocelynne I was pre pregnancy weight with in a few week of giving birth granted I was 50lbs over a healthy BMI.  This time around 9 weeks after birth I am 20ish lbs heavier than I was when I fell pregnant and I was sitting right at the top end of my healthy BMI then.  I am back to attending regular Weight Watchers meetings and following the plan which allows for nursing mothers.  I have to say it is HARD this time around.

Planning meals and finding time to cook especially as Joss has become some what of a picky eater take a lot of fore thought.  I will not lie most nights when Philip is working I tend to have a ready meal for dinner. Also living with my mother in law means that there is stuff in the house that I just wouldn't buy and having to think about her likes and dislikes when we cook as a family.  While she is not a picky eater she tends towards the meat and potato and two veg style of eating where Philip and I very much enjoy ethnic food and we like a lot of spice which isn't her thing.  While she would never complain and would be happy to cook her own food if we were having something she dislike I find food a social experience and feel that when at all possible all should be included in the meal.

Fitness has also been really hard for me, I was quite active at the gym before I fell pregnant with Jasper and while the pregnancy came as a surprise it was my initial intention to carry on while my normal classes and work outs as long as I was comfortable and augmenting them as and where needed to continue for as long as possible. Unfortunately dealing with gallstones during the pregnancy took a lot of my physical energy and would take 3-5 days to recover from an attack and in the beginning I had 6 attacks in 8 weeks and then further attacks at spaced out intervals. By the time I attack free around 28 weeks I felt I had missed to much of my normal gym routine to jump right back in so used walking as my main source of exercise. So I feel like I am pretty much starting at square one again as far as fitness levels.

I don't know if it was the fact that I was back to pre pregnancy weight so quickly after Joss that I didn't really suffer with body image issue but this time around it is hard to see my flabby tummy as a badge of honour and a sign of the beautiful children I have made and carried for 9 months.  Being in this in between time as I again try and build my fitness levels has been a lesson in self love and patience truly giving into the "season of life" I am in right now and acknowledging that I can't just pop out to the gym every night (not that I would have the energy at the moment).  I have started a Pilate's class on Saturday morning, am trying to fit in as much walking as possible and thanks to a supportive husband this means 2-4 long walks each week either on my own or with just Jasper in the push chair (we do have a Phil and Ted's Vibe which easily converts from single to double but after a few attempt I have leaned that while it is good for getting around to run errands it is too heavy for me to do major walks with both in it).

Fear is also playing a huge part in setting me back, I don't want to be that person in the back of the class who can't keep up and to be honest I am still unsure how and when to incorporate ab exercises back into my work out which makes me shy away from the normal aerobics classes I use to enjoy.

I am grateful for such a supportive husband who knows that the key to me being a more content person which means a better mother is to be able to get to the gym and do the long walks.  He also thinks outside the box and suggests ways to fit in exercise when I don't.  A huge key to getting back at it quicker this time is the fact that Jasper will take a bottle meaning I have time to get to and from the gym and do my work out with out worrying that I have an unhappy baby at home.  I have also realised that if I want to be able to leave Jasper in the creche at the gym I have to start early as I waited till Joss was over a year old and she never settled and after a few disastrous attempt I gave up. At the moment I am leaving Jasper for one one hour session a week while I take Joss swimming and once Joss starts preschool in the fall I will use that to do a class and may up it to two sessions a week.

I did it after Joss and to be honest that was harder because I didn't know I could do it I had been over weight all my life and afraid of the gym and by the time I fell pregnant with Jasper two years later I was a healthy weight and felt good about my shape and my fitness levels.   I just have to remember I was not there 9 weeks after she was born and that the greatest gift I can give myself is kindness and acceptance of where I am at the moment.

My People

Tonight I wrapped 7 gifts and wrote out 7 birthday cards.  The end of May through the the first of August is busy on the birthday front for us.  These 10 weeks we celebrate the birthdays of the babies born in our NCT birth class.  This year we mark our children's third year and it amazes me that just over 3 1/2 years ago 8 woman who when we met had nothing in common other than due dates from the end of June the end of July have grown into good friends.  Since then we have celebrated the births of our first children, second children and soon to be third children in some cases, we have offered comfort after miscarriages. We have celebrated milestones, shared concerns, given support, laughed together, cried together, shared wine and food.

We have chosen very different ways to parent our children some have breast fed, some have bottle fed, some have chosen child led methods, some have introduced routines and schedules.  I would hope we have not judged each other for our choices as I can honestly say that while we have all made different choices on how to raise our children I know these women well and know that each decision has been based on what each mother has thought best for her child.

Some I see weekly some I see monthly and some just once or twice a year but conversation is always easy and while we had very little in common 3 1/2 years ago now we share the badge of motherhood and beautiful 3 year old children.

These are my people the ones I want to txt first when Joss does something amazing, the ones I ring when I hit a parenting brick wall.  I know that some of us will grow apart but I look forward to many more birthdays, to sleep overs, to wedding invitations in many years.

Happiest of 3rd birthday to 8 of the most amazing kids I have the joy of knowing!

Summer Bucket List

In an effort to enjoy and make the most of the summer this year Philip and I have sat down and made a Summer Bucket List.  It is not a to do list but rather a guide for things we would like to accomplish this summer.  It is so easy to to get to September and realize all those "we should do this over the summer have gone undone"  So the list will be typed up and laminated and stuck to the wall above the changing table (hey where else am I guaranteed to see it a good number times a day!).

The Moore Family Summer Bucket List

Make Homemade Rotel- I love Rotel and have about a million recipes pinned on Pinterest that use it but can't get it in the UK but I have found a  recipe and going to give it a go.

Try the White Horse Pub

Go Strawberry Picking

Take Big J to Bekonscot Model Village

Adventure Island

Colchester Zoo

Fun Fair Chalkwell Park

London Aquarium

The list is deliberately short as it had to take into consideration a small baby but I think it is a fun and do able list for us and I hope it means we can make some great memories this summer.

This Time Around-Labour and Birth

This time around is so much different than with Joss and before it all melts away I want to jot down some thoughts on the differences and similarities of the first little bit of time with both of my amazing babies starting with their births.

This time around I laboured at home till about 90 minutes before Jasper was born: This was totally different than with Joss who was induced over 2 ½ days.  I was where I wanted to be it was just me at home with Joss and even then I flipped the TV on so I was pretty much on my own and it was a good place to be I stood just outside the back door so I could hear Joss if I needed to and really appreciated that “this was it”. Even when we got to hospital once with the exception of about 20 minutes it took to asses me and the 10 minutes at the end we were walking the hallways on our own.

This time around there was no epidural: There was some screaming and yelling about 30 seconds before I started pushing because I wanted one and it was too late but I didn’t really want one it was just transition talking and after everything was said and done it was so much nicer that I hadn’t had one.  Once Jasper and I had bonded had skin to skin contact and he had his first nurse I was able to get up and have a shower and move around and didn’t feel as out of it as I did after Joss.  It was so nice to have a shower right away and not just a sponge bath until the epidural wore off.  By the time the epidural wore off with Joss, Philip had gone home and I was afraid to leave Joss to shower so it was the next morning before I got a proper shower.

This time around I was upright and moving for all of labour except the pushing (with the exception of about half an hour I purposely laid down to slow the contractions as I was seriously worried Philip was not going to make it home from work they were coming so fast and hard): If I had not been coaxed onto the bed to be checked I also would have probably pushed on all fours on the floor but they got me on the bed and then wouldn’t let me turn over to push this will forever go in my gripe book. With Joss they put me on the monitor when my contractions started as I had been induced and they wanted to make sure Joss was coping and then left me on there for almost three hours and I was too stupid to ask them to let me off.  I was in so much pain it was insane.  By the time they let me off I was not sure what to do with myself and when they came to “check me” and broke my water and attached a head monitor on Joss restricting my movement I gave in and asked for an epidural.

This time around my water broke spontaneously: They broke my waters with Joss and I don’t remember feeling anything but it may have just been a small leak.  This was an all-out gush while I was standing at the nurses’ station wearing jeans that I then had to waddle and drip back to my room in, but oh it felt so good to have the pressure released.

This time around I swore like a sailor at the top of my lungs:  I wasn’t exactly sweet with Joss but I was afraid to truly let go, this time not a problem ask the two midwives who attended my birth I said so pretty horrible things.  At one point the midwife told me I was going to have to stop screaming and listen to what she was saying.  I informed her I could scream and listen to what she was saying at the same time. Also ask anyone on the second floor of Southend Hospital as I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

This time around Jasper crowned and didn’t just pop out in one push:  Okay I pushed for seven minutes and it only took 3 pushes one for him to come down one for him to crown and one for his shoulders but considering it only took 3 pushes with Joss and probably would have only taken one or two if I had started out pushing correctly with her.  I have to say not having the epidural made it SO much easier to push (says the woman who only pushes three times a baby).

This time around I walked out of the hospital four hours after Jasper was born and less than six hour after we arrived instead of 48 hours after Joss was born and 5 days after I arrived:  This was the closest thing to a home birth I was allowed to have and it was so nice to be tucked up in my bed at home and to be able to sneak in and kiss Joss good night when we got home.

One Month Old

My Dearest Jasper,

The day we found out we were having a boy I was so excited, I love your sister and was so happy to have a little girl but the news that I would also have the joy of building a relationship with a son brought tears to my eyes.  All of a sudden the five  months of struggles with gallstones while being pregnant and all the hard decisions not to treat them in any way while I was pregnant seemed worth it.  I felt like you became real to me that day.  After the scan I went out and bought what would end up being the only non-gender neutral clothes for you we bought before you were born (part of this was due to a good friend with two boys who passed on SO much stuff and part of this was due to the fact I didn’t want to jinx it.  Um yup we are talking about the woman who asked you father twice to make sure you were a boy just after you were born). I bought a sweet dark blue sleeper I remember walking through the boys section of the shop and wondering what type of boy you would be, how would you like to dress yourself when you were old enough to choose?

That sleeper suit was the first thing you wore when you were born and what you came home in a few hours later. Tonight you are wearing it for what will most certainly be the last night, time is moving so fast and I know from the fact that somehow your sister is almost three years old I will blink and you too will be older than I know how it is possible.  Sleep well tonight my little man.

Your Mum