Thursday, 5 August 2010

Every Choice You Make Has a Consequence

This phrase has never been as real for me as it is right now having just dropped my mom off at the airport to fly home a few hours ago. The freshly bathed, recently fed, warm bundle strapped to my chest in her sling is a constant reminder of the decision I made to follow the man I cared deeply for to England and eventually marry him and have a child with him. Mr. Y in E thought it our much better than me and asked on multiply occasion when we discussed trying for children and also while I was pregnant if I was OK with the fact I was having a baby so far away from my family. Intellectually I knew it would be hard but in much my fashion of late I just figured I would soldier on, anything less would be admitting defeat. I never allowed myself to consider the emotional aspect of my choice. Plus I knew no matter where we lived here in England or in the US we would be "depriving" one set of family from being near Madame.

So this afternoon when I put Madame in her cot and wound up the mobile Grandma Traci got her so I could run her bath, she cooed and watched it go round, I bawled. I cried feeling like a horrible daughter for producing such a lovely grand daughter for my parents but doing it thousands of miles away in a foreign country. This is one choice that living with the consequences may sting for a very long time.

2 comments:

Jacqueline and Andy said...

oh! How sad for you to be missing your mom at this special time. On the other side of the coin, both sets of grandparent's live within 20 minutes of us and the expectations (on all sides) coupled with the super duper close proximity was NOT a positive experience for us. At all.

On the upside, the time that you do get to spend with your mom/family will be highly anticipated and really appreciated.

Maybe you can start planning the next visit now, and you should try skype--if you don't already!

Paul & Tiffany said...

I completely understand! Although, we are not as far apart...it has been really tough on me and on the family! The first time they met my little one he was 6 months old.